The Christmas Star
by MandaPanda2
Summary: It would be the first Christmas he's ever spent with both of his parents. His real ones. (Companion to Stardust and Falling Stars)
1. Nothing Sadder

Disclaimer: All characters (unless otherwise specified) belong to Aaron Spelling, E. Duke Vincent, Gary Tomlin, NBC, et al and are used here strictly for non-profit entertainment purposes.  
>Rating: T<br>Genre: Drama  
>Spoilers: Everything through Olivia on the cruise, then it's alternate universe. (See the author's note.)<br>Summary: It would be the first Christmas he's ever spent with both of his parents. His real ones.

_A/N: This is a companion to my AU stories, Stardust and Falling Stars. Also, much thanks to Deschanel Jewels for the spark that ignited this story's existence. _

* * *

><p>Chapter 1: "Nothing Sadder"<p>

_November 8, 2014 _

Olivia's lips slowly parted when she saw the notification on her iPhone. It was an email, but that wasn't unusual. The sender was Gregory...and that _was_ less than usual. The subject line was two words, urgent in their simplicity. _Call me_.

Her first thought was that something was wrong. There was an emergency, someone was hurt. But, no, that couldn't be right. He would've just called her outright if there was something seriously wrong. Her brow furrowed as she stared down at her phone, even though the screen had already dimmed and faded to black.

"Nana, what's wrong?"

Her head flew up as she met the inquisitive gaze of her granddaughter, Helena. "N-nothing, dear. Nothing at all."

"Your face is splotchy."

_Call me_.

She nodded as she stood, clutching the mobile phone. "Is it?" she murmured as she turned away from the teenager. She wandered over to the window and squinted into the distance.

"They're not back yet," she heard the seventeen-year-old say from behind her and she sighed.

"Granddad always enjoys the hunt," she said quietly, her fingers itching against the phone's screen. She turned abruptly and forced a smile to her face. "Why don't you ask Mrs. Welling to send up tea and some of those little cakes from last night?" Olivia knew her granddaughter's sweet tooth. She wouldn't refuse them. As she nodded and turned for the bell, she said, "Why don't we take them in the salon?"

"Why not here?" she asked, glancing around the morning room.

_Call me_.

She bit back a sigh and reached for Helena's shoulders, turning her towards the door. "We'll be able to see Granddad and the rest of the party from the window as they return." She smile and kissed her cheek. "I'll be there in a moment."

Helena's brown eyes narrowed, but she said nothing else as she slowly nodded and left the room. Olivia stood still, listening as her footsteps faded away. Then, she unlocked her phone and opened up her contacts. She scrolled through the list until she came to Gregory's entry. With a sigh of trepidation, she touched the call icon and held the phone to her ear.

The floor creaked beneath her feet as she walked backed to the windows. The sky was overcast, screaming that winter was almost upon them. Her fingers grazed the glass pane and she flinched at the bone-chilling cold she felt. It had been over fifteen years since she moved back to England and she still couldn't tolerate the cold weather. Colin teased it was because she spent too much time in southern California, but there was probably a drop of truth in that statement.

"Nothing's wrong," he said by way of a greeting.

A small smile came to her face and she nodded. "I know," she said softly.

"You know I would've called you myself if there was."

"I do." She heard the crash of the waves in the background and she suddenly pictured him on his patio. She wondered if he wanted to take the call in private as insistently as she banished her granddaughter from the room. It wasn't as if they were doing anything _wrong_. Still, the need for privacy was something she couldn't ignore whenever Gregory came to her mind. "But, something _did_ happen?"

There was a long moment of silence before she heard him sigh. "In a way," he murmured. "But, first...have you noticed anything odd about Trey?"

Olivia's lips pressed into a line as she considered his question. The more frequent phone calls. Daily emails. The feeling that he desperately needed something from her. "You _have_ noticed something," she heard him say and she cleared her throat.

"Yes," she replied quietly. "H-he doesn't call me Nana anymore."

He sighed and her eyes fluttered shut as he said, "He calls me Pop now."

* * *

><p>Gregory rested his elbows on the top of the chaise. Her voice was crystal through the earpiece as she suggested, "He'll be seventeen in a few months. Maybe he thinks it's childish. Maybe he thinks Nan and Pop sounds more...grownup." He frowned. He remembered being Trey's age and being so desperate for the rest of his life to <em>finally<em> start. But, the sinking feeling in his stomach made him think there was more going on with their grandson than they realized.

"Perhaps," he finally said, rubbing his eyes. He stood tall, the sun-warmed stone beneath his bare feet. "But, he's changed these last few months or so." Since he's gotten back from his annual summer visit to England. He didn't say it, but he knew she knew what he meant.

"The last few weeks of his stay, he was quiet. _Too_ quiet." Gregory wondered if she noticed Trey staring at her with an odd look on his face as he said nothing. If she noticed he was asking more questions about the past. If she was afraid to allow herself to wonder if...maybe, just _maybe_, he knew.

"Gregory," he heard her begin, "do you think- could he-"

He closed his eyes as her question trailed off into strained silence. She couldn't even speak her thought into existence. "How could he?" he murmured and he heard the way she inhaled. He thought back to her letters in the first year or so after they let Trey go. She had been so worried about saying or doing something that would reveal the truth. It had taken _years_ for her to trust herself. Now, this. "Liv, he doesn't know. He _couldn't_."

She exhaled deeply and he imagined her nodding in agreement. "You said something happened."

"Last night," he sighed, running a hand through his hair. "He came over after dinner. He asked me about you."

Silence.

But, he felt the change in her just as clearly as if she was standing next to him. "Did he?" Her tone sharpened and he winced at the pain in her question. "What about?"

"He asked why no one ever spoke about you being an alcoholic." He saw the way she flinched, the way her spine stiffened. It was the same reaction he himself had when he first heard the question. When he saw the way Trey's eyes swelled with curiosity as he waited for him to respond. When he couldn't ignore the tingling sensation that pulsed through him.

"What did you say?" she asked in a hush.

"The truth," he said quietly. "That it was in the past. You haven't had a drink in years." Her only reply was silence. He sat on the edge of the lounger, the cushion flat beneath him. "Then, he said he was proud of you." He closed his eyes as she gasped and he listened to the sound of her breathing. But, it was true. Trey always held Olivia up on a very high pedestal. Everyone else thought it was the distance between them that made her so special to the boy. He knew otherwise. "But, that's not why I asked you to call me," he whispered.

She murmured something barely intelligible and he opened his eyes. As he did, he saw Alex open the patio door. He smiled at her and held up his hand, pointing at the phone. She nodded and smiled back before she disappeared into the house. "Olivia? Are you still there?"

"I-I'm here," she said hoarsely.

"He's going to call you later today."

"What? Why?"

He gazed down at the ground, watching a blade of grass that defiantly pushed up between the stones. "He's going to ask you to come to Sunset Beach for Christmas. You and Colin."

"How do you know this?" she asked, her voice low.

Gregory sighed. "Because he asked me last night if I thought it would be a good idea."

"Why?" she asked and he heard the perplexity in her voice. "Did he say why?"

He nodded. "He said something about wanting his family here for his last Christmas before he goes off to college."

Her next question was so immediate, so demanding, that he marveled at the speed with which she asked it. "Do you believe him?"

He did. Trey wasn't a liar. Even as a child, he wasn't anything but overwhelmingly truthful. That didn't mean he was oblivious to the other unspoken reasons that caused the teenager to make this request. He just hadn't figured out what they were..._yet_. "He wouldn't lie."

"God, I know." She sighed. "What did you say?"

* * *

><p>He didn't say anything.<p>

She looked up and turned away from the dreary landscape beyond the window. "Gregory? What did you say to him?"

"Nothing," he sighed. "At least not right away." He fell quiet again and she leaned against the back of the sofa, waiting. "The first thing I thought of was the last Christmas you and I spent together." She closed her eyes, remembering. She was pregnant with Trey then. Caitlin had just come back. Sean hated the both of them equally. And, they were living apart. She shivered, remembering the way he pursued her on Christmas Day. Her fingers flew to her throat, remembering the way the heavy locket hung around it. "It's been _seventeen_ years since we shared a Christmas."

She slowly opened her eyes. She knew what he told Trey. She didn't need to hear him say it now. "Did you tell Alex?"

"Not yet. Not until I spoke to you first."

* * *

><p>"Will you come?" he asked quietly. He knew she would though. She couldn't say no to Trey. Neither of them could. He's sure she's been accused of spoiling him over the years just as much as he has. But, for all the attention and love they lavished on him, he was a refreshingly humble child. No, he wasn't a child anymore. He was practically a grown man.<p>

Where had the time gone?

"I-I need to speak with Colin," he heard her say. That was to be expected. He still needed to talk to Alex. "This was their year to come here." He nodded. Caitlin and Sean began alternating Christmas between them from the first year she moved back to England. The tradition continued after all these years.

"It," he began, speaking carefully, "would be nice to have you." Silence crackled between them and he could _feel_ her anticipation as she waited for him to continue. "_Both_ of you."

* * *

><p>She looked up slowly, her hand resting over her heart. "Not just for Trey, but for Tommy too," he said softly and she smiled. Sean's son was four now. She always believed that Caitlin, Sean, and Trey never truly appreciated Christmas until they were that age. She wanted to see little Thomas experience the holiday season...and she wanted Gregory to as well.<p>

"Yes," she said as she pushed herself up. Why hadn't they thought to do a joint Christmas before now? Sean's wedding was the first big occasion when they were all together. It had gone well back then, hadn't it? Surely by now, enough time had gone by that everyone was at peace with the mixed family. After all, she and Gregory were closer now than they had ever been. "Maybe it's something we should've done years ago," she suggested quietly.

He sighed deeply. "It would've been nice, wouldn't it?"

She brushed her hair back and cleared her throat. "It will be nice _this_ year."

* * *

><p>He closed his eyes and smiled. "So, you're coming?"<p>

"Yes." So decisive. "I'll discuss it with Colin tonight – after Trey has called."

He remembered being married to her. He remembered how persuasive she could be when she really _wanted_ something. It was impossible to say no to her. Her husband didn't stand a chance. But, he also suspected that Colin wouldn't want to deny her. He remembered how good it felt to give her everything she asked for. How happy it made him.

"I'll make sure the resort has a suite reserved for you," he said after he cleared his throat.

* * *

><p>She looked up, seeing Helena waiting expectantly in the doorway. With a smile, she nodded to her as she heard Gregory say, "When Trey calls, don't tell him I already spoke to you."<p>

"I won't," she said softly, following her granddaughter out of the morning room. "I promise I'll be surprised."

He was quiet for a long moment. "If I hadn't called you, if I hadn't told you what Trey was going to do, would you still have agreed to come?"

She stopped abruptly in the hallway, letting the distance between her and Helena grow. "I think so," she murmured as her throat constricted. "We-we've never spent a Christmas together with all of our children." Her fingers danced anxiously against her neck as she confessed, "At the moment, I can't think of anything _sadder_ than that."

* * *

><p>"If I didn't know better, I'd think you were avoiding me!"<p>

Gregory stopped mid-lap and turned. Alex stood at the edge of the pool, watching him closely. He sucked air into his starving lungs as he swam to the stairs. "Why would I be avoiding you?" he asked, slicking back his hair before he reached for his towel. His skin immediately dried in the warm morning sunshine.

"Well, I was teasing before. Now, I wonder if you really _are_ avoiding me," she said.

He draped the towel around his neck as he slid into the terrycloth robe. "Of course I'm not," he said, reaching for her. He kissed her for a long moment, feeling the way she pressed against him. "Careful," he murmured against her lips, "I'm wet."

She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck. "That's ok. I've just come from yoga."

"Wonderful," he sighed, nibbling his way across her jaw. "We're disgustingly even."

She leaned back and forced him to look at her. "How are you feeling this morning?" she asked quietly.

"Fine. Why?" He wrapped his arm around her as they walked back up to the house.

"You didn't sleep well last night. You were tossing and turning."

He glanced at her, her face awash with concern. "Did I keep you up?"

"Gregory! Of course not. That's not why I asked." She turned to him and her hand brushed the patch of chest between the lapels of his robe. "Does it have something to do with Trey?"

He sighed. "It does, in a way."

She nodded and reached for his hand as she led him to the patio table. "I thought as much," she mused as she sat next to him. "Not many teenage boys choose to spend every Friday night with their grandfather instead of going out and doing whatever teenagers today are doing."

He nodded. Trey had all but practically moved into their home. Since returning from England, the teenager spent almost every weekend with them, often glued to his side. Not that he complained. He glanced up to the windows of the second floor spare room. "Is he still asleep?"

"Yes," she smiled as he squeezed her hand. "I could hear him snoring through the door."

"Sean was the same way," he murmured as he leaned back. "He always slept long and hard." The chair creaked as he gazed out at the horizon. They sat quietly for a long moment and he found comfort in the way Alex let him sit and gather his thoughts until he was ready. He doubted that he had ever been that patient himself. He was extremely guilty of never giving as generously as he received. "He wants Olivia to come for Christmas," he finally said. "Olivia and Colin."

He felt her turn, her eyes poring into him. But, he kept his eyes on the ocean as he sighed. "That's who you were on the phone with this morning," she said quietly.

"I didn't want her to be caught off-guard when he called to invite her," he replied as she stood. She leaned against his chair and wrapped her arm around him. He looked up, feeling her fingers combing through his wet hair.

"That was sweet of you," she whispered. He took her hand, watching the way their fingers locked together. "I'm sure she appreciated it." He shrugged, causing her to insist, "You _know_ she did." She knew what they had gone through in their decision not to claim Trey as their son. He couldn't help but relive every painful detail of their reactions when he finally told her the truth. "Is she going to come?" he heard her ask.

"I think so," he said as he nodded. "She said she needed to speak with Colin, but I think she'll come."

"That will make Trey happy."

She sighed and he reached out, wrapping his arm around her waist. "Do you mind?" he asked quietly, hugging her to him.

She shook her head, a serene expression on her face. "I've liked Olivia from the moment you introduced me to her more than forty years ago." A half-smile danced on his lips as he remembered the introduction. The way Alex turned to him, her eyebrow arched approvingly. "Besides," she continued, "she's the mother of your children. There's no way _we_ would have made it if I resented her place or her presence in your life." He nodded, unable to say anything in the face of her selfless wisdom. She looked down, confused at the silence. Her fingers grazed his cheek as she kissed his forehead. "Few people could give up what you and she did," she said softly, watching him closely. "_I_ couldn't."

He closed his eyes as she hugged him. "Thank you," he finally murmured.

"You don't have to thank me," she whispered. "Besides, think how happy Caitlin, Sean, and Trey will be to see you and Olivia for the same holiday. They've been switching between you both for _so_ long."

He cleared his throat and nodded his agreement. Olivia was right. There was nothing sadder than the fact they had never spent a Christmas with their three children.

* * *

><p>Olivia tightened the belt of her robe and turned. Colin was already in bed, engrossed in a thick book. The fire in the hearth cracked and popped as she walked to the bed. But, instead of walking around to her side, she went to his. With the memory of the way Trey's voice sounded when he asked her to Christmas, she touched her husband's leg. He looked up and smiled, closing his book soundly. "Today was a success, my darling," he said, pulling off his reading glasses.<p>

She nodded and reached out, cupping his cheek. "I'm glad you had a good day," she murmured, leaning up to kiss his lips. She rested her palms on his chest as she looked up at him. He was seventy, but didn't look it. With his lightly silver streaked hair and healthy complexion, he was the epitome of a country peer. They still kept the London house, but it was the sprawling estate in Suffolk that was slowly becoming their full-time residence. She didn't mind. Lavenham Hall's peace and quiet appealed to her now in a way that it never had before.

"The hunt was a brilliant idea. You were right to suggest it."

She curled up next to him, settling in the nook of his shoulder. "It's been awhile since we hosted one," she said as their fingers threaded together. "I had almost forgotten how much work went into arranging everything."

"You were perfection," he said softly and she felt his lips on her head. She smiled and squeezed his hand, feeling the vibrations in his chest as he continued, "You'll have to join me on the next one."

"Oh, no," she said, sitting up. "I haven't stood behind a gun since we were married."

"But, you were so fetching in breeches," he said softly.

She laughed aloud and tilted her head as he smirked. "As I recall, you were more preoccupied with getting me _out_ of them." He shrugged unashamedly, watching quietly as she slipped off her robe and crawled back into the bed next to him. As she settled against the pillows, she turned to him and smiled. "Darling, how set are you on having Christmas here?"

He frowned. "I thought _you_ wanted to have Christmas here instead of London?"

She nodded slowly. "Well...I did."

"You _did_?"

"Yes." She watched him carefully as she asked, "How would you feel if you and I went to California for Christmas this year?" He was quiet for a long moment and she could see the unasked question dancing in his eyes. "Trey's invited us."

"Trey?"

She nodded and pressed closer to him. "He called earlier. He wants us to be there for his last Christmas at home before he leaves for university."

"I see," he said slowly and she was relieved to see the smile on his face. Her own smile wavered when she heard him say, "I imagine you've already spoken to Gregory about it."

With a sigh, she nodded and reached for his face. "Yes, we spoke. He wanted to tell me about what Trey wanted to ask so I wasn't blindsided." He nodded, but said nothing else. They've never spoken about her correspondence with Gregory. She wondered now if maybe that was a mistake. "Colin," she began, her voice low and serious, "I-"

He reached out, his hand gentle on her chin. "It would make you very happy if we went, wouldn't it?" She nodded and she felt a lump come to her throat when he said quietly, "Then, we shall."

"Oh, darling, do you mean that?" He nodded and she threw her arms around him. "Thank you, darling! Thank _you_!" She looked up and kissed him, feeling nothing but love and appreciation for the man who never denied her, even at the expense of his own pride. She pulled back, whispering against his lips, "If you hadn't wanted to go, then I would've said no."

He cupped her face and she felt an enormous rush in her chest when he replied, "Olivia, I wouldn't have kept you from your children at Christmas." She nodded slowly, tears burning at her eyes as he added, "_Any_ of them."


	2. The Truth

(See the first chapter for disclaimer, notes, spoiler, etc.)

Chapter 2: "The Truth"

_November 9, 2014_

Trey clutched the steering wheel of his mother's car, his eyes darting between the rear view and side mirrors. "On your left," he heard her say softly and he nodded, holding the car steady. In the passenger seat, he saw her foot come down on a phantom brake and he sighed. As if driving with Mom wasn't the worst thing in the world, he had to drive her car: a pastel blue Fiat 500. He shuddered. It was the _girliest_ car ever invented. Dad merely referred to it as "the Easter egg". "Trey, red light!"

"I saw it," he sighed, braking to a hard stop.

She glanced over, her sapphire eyes wide as she braced her hands on the dashboard. "It didn't look like you did."

"Mom-"

"You know what Poppop told me when he was teaching me to drive?"

His ears perked up at the mention of Pop. His _real_ father. "What?" he asked.

"He told me to remember that every other driver is a _bad_ driver."

He exhaled deeply and nodded. "'K."

They were silent for several moments before he heard her clear her throat. "I called Nana earlier."

"Oh yeah?" he asked, forcing himself to keep his eyes on the road. "What about?"

"Christmas. She and Colin are going to stay with us. I don't want them waking up in a hotel on Christmas morning."

He nodding, trying to keep the delighted grin off his face. Nan would be here for three weeks. He'd get to see her every day. "Wait. What about Uncle Sean and Aunt Tessa?"

"They're going to stay with Poppop and Alex. It's all worked out," she said. "It makes sense though. My grandparents came for Christmas every year. They always stayed at the house on Ocean Avenue with us. Nana would never let them stay at a hotel."

Her grandparents were his grandparents too. Another reality to become used to. He sighed as his head throbbed. "So, when's Nan coming?"

"_Nana_ is coming December 20th." She glanced at him and he felt the suspicion in her gaze. She was the only one who pounced on him for referring to them as Nan and Pop now. But, he knew it was because she didn't know the truth. He could feel it living in him every day, a storm cloud that consumed him. She didn't look like she lived with it too. But, he knew that Nan and Pop knew the truth. He finally understood the shadow that clung to them. It was pain. "It'll be nice to have everyone here."

He nodded, swallowing hard. Nan's voice danced across the phone line when he called her yesterday. She sounded happy, maybe even excited. "I'm glad she's coming," he murmured, glancing over his shoulder as he changed lanes. It would be the first Christmas since finding out the truth. It would be the first Christmas he's ever spent with both of his parents. His _real_ ones. He suddenly remembered last year's English Lit class. He now gets how much it sucked for Dr. Jekyll. It was hard living two lives: one with his real parents and one with the parents that raised him. More than that, it was exhausting. He wondered briefly what his own Mr. Hyde would be like.

"I am too. But, I just wish you had told me or Dad about it before you called her."

He sighed. "It worked out, right? I mean, Virgin Atlantic didn't mind changing the tickets."

"Yes. But, that's not the point." He was quiet, watching the streak of the white road lines. She sighed and he heard her say, "You know, I remember being sixteen and wanting to take charge of my life."

"Wait, what?" he asked, confused.

"But, you still need to include Dad and I in things. You can't just disregard us because you're graduating in the spring."

He turned to look at her. "Mom, I don't-"

"Trey, watch out!" He looked back in time to see the car in front of him slow down to make a right turn. He slammed on the brake, the wheels squealing against the road. They flew forward, the seat belts locking and keeping them in their seats. "OH! Are you alright?" she asked, her hand on his shoulder.

He nodded. "Fine," he said shortly, glancing up at the rear view mirror. At least it was early enough that there weren't any other cars on the road behind them.

"Ok." She exhaled deeply, pressing her hands to her heart. "Ok. Check your mirrors and let's go."

He sighed, hearing the panic in her voice. He remembered the car accident they were in years ago. He remembered how afraid she was to drive a car again after it. "Sorry," he murmured as he accelerated slowly. "About the car...and Nan."

"Oh, honey," she sighed, reaching out to affectionately squeeze the back of his neck, "it's ok. Just keep your eyes on the road. No matter what."

"Every other driver is a bad driver. Got it."

She smiled, gently rubbing the tense space between his shoulder blades. "As for Nana," she dropped her voice, like there was a danger of someone overhearing them, "I'm _thrilled_ she's coming for Christmas." He couldn't look at her. He couldn't. Not yet. He slowed down, the click of the right turn signal filling the silence. "Nice job," she said softly as he turned into the parking lot of the strip mall.

"Thanks," he said quietly as he parked the car. He turned to his mother, exhaling deeply. "I don't disregard you and Dad. It's just...I mean, I just-" His voice cracked and he lowered his head, embarrassed.

She reached out, cupping his chin and gently turning his face back to her. She smiled warmly and he suddenly felt really shitty for doing this to her. Like, why was he doing any of this? They were supposed to go to England this Christmas. It was Nan's year. Now, he changed everything...and all because the idea of spending one holiday with his real parents kept him up at night. Mom and Dad thought the sleepless nights and exhaustion was because he was focused on senior year and his classes.

Mom and Dad.

His stomach clenched as he thought of them. The people who raised him. The people who joked with him. The people who had a dozen different nicknames for him. The people who loved him. "Honey, are you warm? You're sweating." He shook his head, looking into his mother's concerned eyes. "It's ok," she said, her voice soft. "We won't tell Dad about the car."

He could let her think that. That would let her continue to be the happy mother he'd known for his entire life. Except now he knew about his other mother. He nodded, vaguely watching as her hand fell away. "Thanks, Mom," he whispered.

Mom. Nan. Mom. Nan.

He coughed, choking back vomit as his head ached. "What was that?" she asked, mistaking his cough for an attempt to get her attention.

"So, you're thrilled?" he forced himself to ask, tasting bile.

"About Nana coming? Of course," she said, reaching into the backseat for her canvas bag and yoga mat. She looked down, suddenly bashful, and he leaned in, curious. "You don't know this, but Nana and Poppop used to throw a huge Christmas party every year." Years ago, he instantly realized. Back when Nan and Pop were married. "Nana would start planning it six months out and Poppop didn't spare any expense." He watched quietly as she turned back to him, her face soft and her eyes glazed over in remembrance. "The ballroom was always filled with Balsam Firs. It smelled like a forest. White lights would hang down in curtains from the ceiling. Presents spilled out from beneath the trees and a band would play carols all night long. But, the best part of the Christmas party was what always happened _after_."

"After?"

She nodded as her lips curled into a small smile. "It would be late when we got home. All the lights would be off, but the Christmas tree would be lit up. Nana would always say, 'I can't even look at the stairs yet. I need to sit. Just for a moment.' So, she would sit on the sofa and we'd follow her, even Poppop. The four of us would sit quietly with the glow of the Christmas tree lights around us. I remember watching the tree, snuggled between them with Uncle Sean." She sighed. "It was so peaceful. We were so happy."

He felt like a loser for being jealous of her. But, he was. He couldn't help it. He hadn't figured out how it changed, but the life she's remembering was supposed to be his. He doesn't know the people she's describing. Sure, Nan and Pop are friends now. He knows they write to each other. But, they're his parents now...and he knows _nothing_ about them. He doesn't know what they were like back when they were married, but he's heard the whispers. He's not a moron. He can read between the lines. He knows their marriage wasn't always the greatest. But, still...they're his parents.

"I'm excited for you and Tommy to have a Christmas with both of them there," he heard her say and he nodded. Something flashed in her eyes but she smiled quickly and looked away. He instantly understood. It was the same look that Pop had when he asked him last night about Nan coming for Christmas. It has hope and sadness all at the same time. For Mom, they were her parents too. She hadn't spent the same Christmas with Nan and Pop since before he was born. He reached out to touch her arm, her hand, _something_ so that she would know he got _it_. So that she would know she wasn't alone. But, she was already up and out of the car. "I'm late for class."

Another lost opportunity that slipped away from him. He was disgusted with himself that he kept missing them. "I'll wait for you at Peet's," he sighed.

"Do you need money?" He couldn't tell her that the thought of eating anything made him feel more sick. He shook his head as she leaned back into the car and stretched across to peck his cheek. "See you in an hour, honey."

"Later," he replied. He sat still for a long moment, watching the way her blonde ponytail bounced as she walked into the small yoga studio. She looked like all the other moms who were going to the class. She looked like _his_ mom.

He knew different.

His heart pounded in his chest and his hands trembled. _Darling boy, you'll never know how much I love you._ He forced himself to exhale deeply as his vision swam. He felt as frozen as he did all those months ago, when Nan thought he was asleep and whispered her declaration to him. Suddenly, everything made sense. He couldn't explain it, but he _knew_ the truth. He knew she was his mother and Pop was his father. It explained the way they watched him when they thought he wasn't looking. It explained the warm feeling in his chest when he played golf with Pop. It explained the thrill that coursed through him when Nan met him at the arrivals gate at Heathrow.

With them, he was home.

A sob rose in his throat and he leaned forward, resting his forehead on the steering wheel. His chest cracked open and he winced at the pressure. He was falling apart. He knew that. Maybe that's who his Mr. Hyde is: a tool of a kid who constantly felt torn between being sick and crying. Because that's how he's felt every day since the summer. Because he doesn't know who he is anymore. Fuck, he doesn't even know his name. His _real_ one. No way would Pop have let him be named Armando.

Because he doesn't know how to live for all of them.

Mom and Dad.

Nan and Pop.

Because he doesn't know how to love all of them.


	3. Understanding

(See the first chapter for disclaimer, notes, spoiler, etc.)

Chapter 3: "Understanding"

_December 20, 2014_

"I _must_ go home with a gorgeous sun tan."

Olivia opened her eyes and saw Helena frowning at her pale arms. She remembered being that same way forty-odd years ago. That was the glittering lure of southern California: every day was summer. "We've only just arrived," she heard Colin say, "and you're already thinking about going home?"

"No, Granddad! It's only that-"

She leaned back against the limousine's leather seat, stifling a yawn. Once it was announced that she and Colin would be spending Christmas in Sunset Beach, his children and their spouses promptly made their own plans for the holiday. Except for Helena, who promptly demanded to accompany her grandparents to California. But, Olivia didn't mind bringing her along. Though strong-willed, Helena was ultimately a sweet girl who was very fond of Trey. "Just," she sighed, interrupting the girl's exclamation, "don't get so much sun that you burn. I'll _never_ hear the end of it from your mother if you go home pink and peeling."

"Yes, Nana." She watched as Helena clutched her mobile and extended her arm, smiling coquettishly at the device. "I need to send a Snapchat and make all my friends jealous that they're stuck in dreary England while I'm here in paradise."

She patted her husband's arm as he grumbled something unintelligible in response. She understood very little about what went on in that girl's head. What she did know was that it seemed considerably more complicated to be a teenager than she remembered it being when she was one herself. She sighed deeply and closed her eyes. God, she had turned into her own mother.

"Tired, are you?"

She opened her eyes and turned to her husband. "A little," she admitted as she sat up and rolled her shoulders. His hand settled on her back, rubbing firmly. "It's days like this when I miss the Concorde. We could've been here _hours_ ago."

He chuckled. "Well, we're here now."

She beamed and looked out the window as they turned onto Caitlin's street. The early afternoon sunlight glittered on the patch of ocean visible between the homes. Helena was right, she realized as they drove down the street lined with palm trees. It _was_ paradise. "I'm going to live on the beach one day," she heard Helena murmur as she scrolled through her phone. "Actually, I might never go home. Perhaps I'll stay forever."

"And be a beach bum?" Colin asked with a chuckle.

She sucked in her breath, suddenly remembering an argument Gregory and Sean had years ago at Christmas. She shook her head, hearing their angry voices as the car slowed and turned into her daughter's driveway. "No, I'll get Nana to give me a job at the radio station and- oh wow! Look at their house! Isn't it so bizarre that I've _never_ been here before?" she heard Helena ask and she turned to her. But, she was right. The only time Helena and the rest of Colin's family came with them to California was for Sean's wedding. But, that was in Napa Valley, not Sunset Beach.

She felt her husband take her hand as the backseat door opened. "Come on, darling," he said, stepping out.

She nodded and followed him, instantly feeling the oppressive heat around her. "Mom!" Caitlin called out, coming across the driveway with her arms outstretched.

Olivia grinned, forgetting the exhaustion and the knotty feeling of her body knowing it was later than the clocks in this time zone. A moment later, her daughter was in her arms and she held her tight. "Oh, darling," she sighed, turning her face into her golden hair and breathing deep. She knew how her own mother must have felt years ago when she stood in Caitlin's shoes. She cupped her daughter's face and laughed, delighted at the sight of her.

"I'm so happy you're here," her daughter sighed, blinking back tears.

"Me too, darling. Me too." She hugged her daughter again, sighing in relief. She heard Colin and Cole greet each other. She heard Helena giggle at something Cole said. She opened her eyes and looked around. "Darling, where's Trey?"

"Probably in his room with his earbuds firmly in," Cole said with a wry smile. He reached out, kissing her cheek. She smiled back at him, noticing the grey licking at his temples. Oh, time...how it has marched through their lives. "He just got back from Gregory's."

Her daughter's arm was around her as they walked into the house. "Gregory's?" she asked quietly.

"He stays over there most Fridays. He and Daddy usually play golf early on Saturday morning." Caitlin glanced over and smiled as she nodded. Gregory had mentioned that several letters back. They walked into the foyer, the skylight scattering a patch of warm sun onto the tile. "I'll call him though." She walked over to the stairs and called up, "Trey? They're here!"

"_I'll_ go get him," Helena said, darting up the stairs. "I can't wait to see him!"

"How has he been?" Olivia asked quietly, following her daughter into the living room. She thought back to Gregory's phone call a month ago, when they shared their concerns about Trey. Cole and Colin faded away, already deep in conversation, as the driver carried in their luggage.

"Fine." Caitlin smiled. "Though, actually, I'm relieved his winter break started yesterday. He's been studying like a mad man since school started." She nodded, dropping her leather purse onto the sofa as her daughter continued, "He's been working so hard. Up late, doing research, staying on top of his classes."

"Perhaps letting him graduate early was too much?" She tried never to think _What if?_ when it came to Trey. But, sometimes, she couldn't help herself. She didn't know if _she_ would've allowed him to take enough extra classes in order to squeeze four years of high school into three. It seemed like far too much.

"I know. It is a _lot_. But, Mom, you should've seen the pitch speech he put together for Cole and I last spring. He had handouts with charts planning out how he could get everything done." Olivia couldn't help but smile. That was something Gregory would've done. It seemed that Trey had inherited all of his grit and determination. "Besides, he wants it _so_ badly."

She nodded. She probably wouldn't have been able to say no to him either. The Christmas tree in the corner of the room caught her eye and she opened her mouth when she heard the sound of feet on the stairs. She turned just in time to see Trey rush across the room and into her arms. He was taller since she last saw him in August. She heard the catch in his breathing and she reached for his face. "Oh, darling boy – just _look_ at you!" He blushed, watching her closely as her hand swept up to his hair. "Taller than ever, I see. But, you need a hair cut," she said softly and he nodded, a grin dancing on his face.

"I said the same thing, Nana!" Helena exclaimed, her face scrunched. "Trey looks like a lazy surfer with long hair."

"I'll get it cut," he said and Caitlin groaned.

"Mom, you need to come more often! I've been begging him for the last week to get it cut. You're here five minutes and he agrees." She rolled her eyes and playfully tousled his hair. "Alright, who's hungry? Daddy and Alex aren't coming over for dinner until around six, but I know-"

"I'm famished!" Helena exclaimed.

Olivia turned to Trey, watching him closely as Helena followed Caitlin into the kitchen. He seemed tired. He looked pale. Gregory was right – he wasn't himself. "How have things been?"

He turned to her. "Since yesterday's email, you mean?"

She shrugged leading him to the sofa. She enjoyed the daily emails. "Since...whenever. You look tired." He shrugged and glanced down at his feet. Sean would do that too when he had something to hide. Neither of her sons had their father's poker face. Instead, they had _her_ inability to never hide her emotions. "Hmm?" she asked, touching his knee.

"Just a little tired," he finally said. "Pop and I got 36 holes in this morning."

She nodded as he leaned back and gazed up at the ceiling. "I'm glad that you are doing something fun and not just studying all the time."

He watched her for a long moment. She sat up a bit straighter, wondering what he found so fascinating. A shadow fell across his face and his mouth twitched. "I'm glad you're here," he finally said and she smiled. She reached out, wrapping her arms around him.

"So am I," she sighed, kissing the side of his head. The hole in her heart always healed when he was in her arms. "So am I."

* * *

><p>Alex reached out, covering Gregory's hand. He smiled and glanced at her quickly before he turned back to the road. She smiled too and leaned back in the leather seat. "Dinner should be nice," she said softly. He sighed his agreement and she watched him out of the corner of her eye. "I'm surprised that Olivia and Colin feel up to it – with the jet lag and all."<p>

He shrugged. "It probably won't be a late night."

"Probably not." She turned her head, squinting into the golden rays of the sunset. His profile was in shadows and she felt his hand shift. A moment later, she felt his gentle squeeze and she smiled. She knew he had been counting down to this day all week. To be honest, so had she. It wasn't every Christmas that he looked forward to with great anticipation. "How long has it been since we've seen Colin?" she wondered aloud.

"I saw him two years ago when I took Trey to London."

She nodded. That was right. Gregory took Trey to the premiere of the new James Bond movie and they stayed at Olivia and Colin's home. "Yes," she said, "but when's the last time he's come _here_? I haven't seen him in a quite awhile. Olivia's here several times a year, but that's for business."

He was quiet for a moment, thinking. "Trey's confirmation?" he finally suggested as they turned into the driveway of Caitlin's home.

She snapped her fingers, instantly remembering. "That was it." He grinned and climbed out of the car, reaching into the backseat for the wine case. She smiled, watching him come around the car to open her door. "Caitlin did a nice job on the decorations," she pointed out as she stood. He nodded and took her hand. The old-fashioned multicolored lights glowed from inside the windows, catching on the red velvet bows. "Everything looks festive and cozy."

He chuckled. "She's come a long way from the little girl who once begged Olivia and I for a pink Christmas tree."

She slipped her arm around his waist as she leaned against him. "Be honest: you got it for her, didn't you?"

"It was a small one," he said indignantly and she laughed aloud. "Two or so feet tall. She kept it on the dresser in her bedroom."

"I knew it," she said, still laughing as the front door swung open before they had a chance to ring the bell.

"What's so funny?" Cole asked.

She shook her head and gestured to Gregory. "Ask _him_ about Caitlin's pink Christmas tree," she said, kissing him on the cheek as she walked into the foyer.

"Oh, I know all about it," he sighed, shaking Gregory's hand. "She threatens to put it on the coffee table every year."

She watched as Gregory passed Cole the two bottles of wine they brought. "See?" he said as he turned to her and winked. "It was a good investment. It's lasted more than thirty years."

She rolled her eyes before she turned back to Cole. "So, where is everyone? How are the travelers holding up?"

"They're good. Trey and Helena just got back from the beach. Olivia and Colin are in the living room." He knocked his head in that direction as he said, "I'm going to open these and then rescue my wife from the kitchen. We'll be in in just a moment."

Alex nodded and went to her husband's side as Cole left them. "Let's go in," she said softly. He nodded and squeezed her hand, leading the way. The living room was to the left and swollen with fading sunlight. Olivia and Colin stood by the Christmas tree and she heard her exclaim, "Ah! Here it is!" She felt Gregory slow to a stop and she looped her arm through his as they watched her point to one of the ornaments. "My mother bought this at John Lewis for Caity's first Christmas. It took her weeks to pick 'the one'."

Colin chuckled. "I imagine it must have been maddening for her."

"She called every day with an update from the different shops she went to and the ornaments they had for sale. I think she must have driven the shop girls mad with all her requests. She had a dozen different _Baby's First Christmas_ ornaments on hold before she finally decided on this one."

Alex watched Gregory as they listened to Olivia. His eyes were soft, a reminiscent smile on his face. She wasn't threatened by his past, his memories, or even the love he feels for Olivia. It's all a part of him. It's all what makes him the man she loves. She heard Olivia inhale sharply and she turned to her. "When did you get here?" she asked. Olivia looked at both of them, but she knew the question was directed to Gregory.

"Just now," he said softly and she felt him step away. She watched quietly as Olivia beamed and they met in the middle of the living room. Her arms were around him a moment later as she chuckled. He laughed back as they stood in an embrace for several long moments. "It's good to see you," she heard him murmur.

Olivia pulled back, blinking rapidly as she looked up at him. "It's good to see you too," she replied softly before she turned to her. "Alex, you look wonderful!"

"As do you," she said, hugging the other woman tightly. "It's so terrific you and Colin came," she whispered in her ear. Over Olivia's shoulder, she watched Gregory and Colin greet each other. Polite, friendly even. She's always been a firm believer that time heals everything.

If the four of them together at Christmas wasn't proof of that, then what was?

* * *

><p>Trey exhaled deeply as he stretched out on the sofa and tucked his hands beneath his head. Tonight wasn't what he expected, he thought to himself as he gazed up at the ceiling. It was actually <em>better<em> than he expected. He got to sit back and study them, observing them like a scientist conducting an experiment. Nan and Pop gabbed throughout the dinner and he couldn't even keep up with how quickly they moved between topics. But, Colin and Alex chimed in and kept up. It was almost like the four of them were at their own table.

It was confusing – but nice, all at the same time.

He didn't have much experience with divorced couples, other than Nan and Pop. After all, Mom and Dad were still married. He knew from his friends whose parents were divorced how sucky it could be. But, Nan and Pop...they were different. They talked the way Mom and Dad talk. They smiled at each other the way Mom and Dad do.

He wanted – he _needed_ – to understand them. He needed to know what his life could've been like with them. He needed to know what he was missing. He needed to know what he would _never_ have. Mom would say it was cruel. What he was doing to himself. Torturing himself in this way. But, Mom didn't know...and he couldn't see any other way to live with himself. His science teacher always said that knowledge gave way to understanding. He got that. He _respected_ that. Understanding was the only gift he wanted this Christmas.

He left all of them sitting around the dining room table over coffee and dessert. He didn't remember what excuse he gave, but it didn't look that anyone paid much attention, except for Helena. He felt her brown eyes burning into him as he pushed back from the table. But, he could handle her and her incessant curiosity.

"How are you holding up?"

He stiffened, hearing Pop's voice. But, Pop wasn't there, he realized as he glanced around. He wasn't talking to _him_.

"I'm tired," he heard Nan sigh. "But, I didn't want to miss this."

He leaned up slightly, grateful that the overstuffed sofa was made of microfiber instead of leather. It was silent as he slid off it, crouched on his knees, and peered around the arm. Nan and Pop stood in the doorway, their voices low. "Caity's talked of nothing else the last few weeks," Pop said. That was true. Mom had gone overboard with the planning for _this_ Christmas. There was no stopping her.

"I know," Nan replied, a tired smile on her face. "She's more and more like Mummy every year."

Pop moved closer to her and cupped her elbow. "She's like you," he suggested softly. Nan chuckled softly beneath her breath, like she didn't believe him. He watched, ignoring the nervous feeling that swelled in his chest, as Pop cupped her cheek. "_You_," he repeated. "They all are."

He held his shaky breath, suddenly so terrified they might hear him. Pop said they. Not both – _they_. That meant more than two children. While he didn't have actual proof they were his parents, he felt it. But now, he heard Pop confirm it. Basically. He leaned forward on his elbows, pressing his stomach and chest into the floor. The closer to the floor he was, the less likely it would be that he would be discovered. The logic made sense to him. The same way it made sense when he was a child to believe that the carpet was made of hot lava as he leapt from the coffee table to the sofa.

"Thank you," she whispered, slowly looking up at Pop. He watched as her eyes melted and she turned her face into his hand, kissing his palm. He froze, suddenly embarrassed by the intimate turn their conversation took. He shouldn't be here. He shouldn't be watching this. This was...private. But, he couldn't tear his eyes away.

Pop smiled and it didn't surprise him to see the tinge of sadness in it. Pop was always a little sad whenever he spoke about Nan. Likewise, she was always a little sad whenever she spoke about him. "I didn't want to mail this," he heard Pop say, watching as he pulled an envelope out of his pocket. Nan's eyes lit up, chasing away the sorrow, as she took the envelope and clasped it to her heart. "It seemed silly to send it to England when you'd be here."

She nodded. "Thank you." There was a long moment of silence before she tentatively said, "He seems...tired. He barely spoke at dinner."

The hairs on the back of his neck prickled as a numb sensation swept over his body. She meant _him_. They were talking about _him_. Pop nodded and sighed deeply. "Yes, but you know? I've noticed a change in him since before Thanksgiving. He doesn't seem...so sad."

His eyes widened. Since before Thanksgiving...when Nan agreed to come to Sunset Beach for Christmas. Did they know that he knew? No way. They _couldn't_. He hasn't said anything to anyone about it.

"Really?" she asked softly, watching Pop. "I hope so." She stifled a yawn and turned her face into her shoulder.

"Let's go back," Pop said, putting his arm around her and turning her in the direction of the dining room. "You're exhausted...and they're probably wondering where we are." She nodded, letting him lead her away.

He counted ten Mississippi before he pushed himself up. His head spun and he promptly collapsed onto the sofa. As his head fell into his hands, the only thing he could think was that there was _so_ much about Nan and Pop that he still didn't understand.

He wondered if he ever would.


	4. Not All

(See the first chapter for disclaimer, notes, spoiler, etc.)

Chapter 4: "Not All"

_December 21, 2014_

Caitlin walked down the hall, clutching the tray tight in her hands. A happy tune rose in throat and she suddenly remembered the way her father sang along with it when they drove to Lake Tahoe for Christmas one year. _It's a marshmallow world in the winter..._ Was it Christmas 1987? She wondered if her mother would remember. Probably, she decided. Her mother remembered everything. Best of all, she could just ask her. She didn't need to count the hours for the time change to call her at a semi-decent hour. She grinned and balanced the tray on her left hand as she softly knocked on the door of the guest bedroom. No response. She turned the knob and slowly pushed open the door. "Mom?" she whispered loudly into the dark bedroom. As her eyes adjusted, she saw through the shadows as her mother shifted in the bed and heard her murmur something. "I brought coffee."

"That's my girl," she said as her yawn segued into a groan. She rested the tray on the bed and turned for the windows. "Open them gently, Caity."

She nodded and slowly pulled open the curtains. Bright sunlight spilled into the room, catching on the pale green walls. Behind her, she heard the bed creak as her mother was no doubt pushing herself up. She glanced over her shoulder and saw her mother sitting up against the headboard, shoving a pillow behind her back. Her short auburn hair glowed in the sunlight and she smiled as her heart skipped a beat. "I really like what you did to your hair, Mom."

Mom shrugged tiredly as she ran her fingers through it. "The stylist talked me into lowlights for the winter," she said as she patted the mattress. She took the invitation and climbed into the bed next to her. Her mother smiled and reached for her hand, squeezing it affectionately. Like the child she once was, she leaned against her mother and rested her head on her shoulder. A moment later, she felt her mother's lips on her forehead and she sighed, content. "Colin?" she asked.

She looked up, meeting her mother's eyes. "He went to play golf with Trey and Daddy." If her mother was surprised by that turn of events, she didn't show it. She simply nodded and reached for the tray. "Here," Caitlin said, sitting up. "I'll pour."

"Thank you, darling."

The steaming coffee bubbled into the mugs and she felt her mother's eyes on her as she added the milk and sugar. "Mom," she began, grinning, "I am _so_ happy you're here. You and Colin. I don't think I've been this excited for Christmas since I was a child." She passed her the mug and she watched her mother smile in response. "I've wanted to host Christmas for _years_."

Her mother looked up, surprise wrinkling across her pale face. "Years? Darling, why didn't you ever say anything?"

She stirred her coffee, the metal spoon clinking against the ceramic mug. "I guess because we fell into our holiday traditions. A year with you, a year with Daddy. Of course, Cole always wants to make sure we spend time with Elaine too." It seemed silly to mention the annual disagreements about where to go for Christmas. But, Elaine was just a car ride away. Her mother was not. "I'm excited to cook for everyone."

"Nana would've loved to hear you say that."

Clutching her own mug, she snuggled back next to her mother. "We're doing it all: the roast, potatoes, chestnuts, sauce. Everything I remember her cooking for us." She glanced at her mother as she said, "It's going to be a family Christmas this year, like the old days." Something flickered in her mother's eyes and she reached for her hand. "Was that wrong to say?"

She shook her head and squeezed her hand. "No. Why do you ask?"

Caitlin watched her mother closely. Fine lines crinkled at her eyes, clearly apparent in the unforgiving morning light. It was at these quiet moments that she remembered just how old her mother was. She's guilty of thinking of her parents as they people they were twenty or thirty years ago, when she was a child. No one ever told her what it was like to see your parents age before your eyes. "The old days weren't always easy on you," she said softly.

With a tight smile, Mom sipped her coffee. "They weren't always easy on _any_ of us."

"Mom-"

"Darling, this is going to be a _wonderful_ Christmas." She nodded, listening as her mother continued, "We're all together now and that's what matters. In fact, I've been looking forward to _this_ holiday for weeks."

"Daddy has too." The simple observation rested between them and she bit the corner of her lip. Things changed between her parents years ago. They were friends. They were extremely close. In fact, she was quite positive they still loved each other, despite their respective marriages. "How has Colin been?"

"He's fine." She watched her mother lean back against the pillows and sigh. "He knows how important this is to me."

She nodded, quietly sipping her coffee. Her mother was confident Colin was fine. Her father was confident Alex was fine. So, perhaps everything _was_ fine. Still, she couldn't ignore the bubbly feeling in her stomach as she watched her parents at dinner last night. The way Daddy's eyes softened when he looked at her. The way Mom's dazzling smile lit up the table when she directed it at him. The way their hug as they said their good nights lingered for several moments before they untangled themselves. She sighed. Cole thought she was reading too much into it. After all, dinner went smoothly. Her parents and their spouses were amicable, chatting pleasantly throughout the entire meal around her dining room table. "It'll be great when Sean gets here," she mused, changing the subject.

Her mother nodded eagerly, beaming. "It really will." She squeezed her hand, suddenly looking as excited as a child. "How it should be."

"How what should be?" Caitlin and her mother glanced up as Colin strolled into the bedroom. "Or am I interrupting?"

"Of course not," Caitlin said. "We were talking about Sean, Tessa, and Thomas getting here from Philadelphia." She met her mother's eyes and smiled warmly. She was right: the entire family was together now. Her parents were at peace with each other. That's all that mattered.

"So, who won?" Mom asked.

Colin chuckled and she looked up as he announced, "Trey. By five strokes."

She smiled, knowing how seriously her son took his golf game. "He must be happy with the win."

"Yes. He's quite good," Colin said, smiling at her before he turned to her mother. "I'm just going to change."

She watched her mother nod and slump back against the pillows as he disappeared into the adjoining bathroom. "Do you want to go down and get something to eat?" she asked.

She shook her head and smiled, pulling her back against her. "Let's just sit here for a moment," she said softly, smiling over the rim of her mug. "It's not every day that we get to take our coffee together."

Caitlin smiled and curled up next to her, cupping her mug.

This was enough.

* * *

><p>Helena lowered her sunglasses, watching as Trey shuffled out onto the patio. "You didn't get your hair cut yet," she called out. He glanced over and shook his head, mumbling something beneath his breath. "I heard <em>that<em>."

"Doubt it," he muttered as he belly-flopped onto the lounge chair next to her.

She rolled her eyes and pushed her glasses back up. "It looks gross," she sighed, glancing at him through the tinted lenses. "I don't want to be in any photos with you until you look normal again."

"Geez, you're exhausting," he sighed, turning his face to look at her. "I've got an appointment for tomorrow morning."

"About bloody time."

Her eyes narrowed as he snorted and pushed himself up on his elbows. "You're going to make your future husband start praying for hearing loss _now_ if you keep up that nagging."

"What," she asked, leaning forward to kick him in the shin, "is your issue? You've been a crab since I got here!"

"Since yesterday, you mean?" he deadpanned.

"Trey!" She scrambled up into a sitting position and ripped her sunglasses off. "You're being a complete idiot!" She crossed her arms and tapped her foot expectantly. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"Are you going to tell me what's really going on?"

He sat up and faced her. "What do you mean?"

She rolled her eyes and gathered her brown hair up into a thick bun. "I heard Nana and Granddad talking about you on the plane. They thought I was asleep."

"Really? What did they say?"

She smirked, hearing the curiosity in his question. "Well. Nana's worried about you. She said you didn't sound like yourself anymore. Granddad was trying to...I don't know – reassure her you were ok. But, I think she's right and that you're clearly mental!"

He shook his head and leaned forward on his knees. "I'm not mental. At least, I don't think I am."

"Granddad said you were just super focused on school and preparing for university."

"What did Nan say?"

She folded her legs beneath her and poked him in the chest. "_There_. Right there. Since when do you call Nana 'Nan'?" She sighed, watching as something wrinkled across his face. "What's wrong with you?" she asked quietly.

"Nothing," he whispered back. "So, what did she say?"

She shrugged. "She sighed, like she didn't quite believe him." But, she knew it wasn't _nothing_. He was lying. It was as plain as the nose on his face. She's known him her whole life. She knows _him_. "Whatever it is," she said softly after several moments of silence, "you can tell me. I won't tell anyone. _Ever_."

"I've heard that before," he scoffed and she couldn't help but smile as he imitated her accent. "'Don't worry, Trey. I won't tell Granddad you broke the vase.' Yeah. _Right_."

"But, I didn't tell him!" she exclaimed with a giggle. "He...figured it out."

"Yeah. You pointing your finger at me behind your hand had _nothing_ to do with it."

"It didn't," she sniffed, turning away from him. She leaned back against the lounge chair and a moment later, he did the same on his. She sighed and turned her face up to the sun, feeling the warm rays beating down on her. Trey could deny it all he wanted, but something was wrong. He wasn't himself. She thought back to dinner last night. She sat across from him, watching the way his eyes darted between Nana and his grandfather. The way he didn't really speak. The way he pushed his food around his plate. "Dinner was nice last night," she began.

She looked at him, watching as he nodded. "Yup. Mom's pork chops are the best."

Silence. She frowned, trying another plan of attack. "I didn't know your grandfather's wife had traveled to all those places."

He nodded again, his eyes closed as he stretched out. "Yeah. Alex always brought the coolest souvenirs back for me. Not the cheap stuff you find in the tourist traps. But, she's pretty much retired now."

She nodded, going in deep. "She and Nana got on well."

He opened his eyes and turned to her. Ah-ha. "What do you mean?" he asked. Slowly. Carefully.

She shrugged innocently. "I mean, they all did. Nana and Granddad. Your grandfather and his wife."

"I guess." His eyes burned into hers and, despite the warm temperature, she shivered. His blue irises were dull and lifeless. "It's not that big of a deal. They've seen each other before. Remember Uncle Sean's wedding?"

"I suppose. You're probably right." She reached for the water bottle and took a long sip, her brain throbbing. Maybe he was right. Maybe it wasn't that big of a deal. But... "It's just that...you were watching them an awful lot."

He sighed and sat up. "Look, Helena, if I tell you this, will you get off my back?" She nodded and adjusted the straps of her bikini as she sat up. "It's a big deal for Nan and Pop to _both_ be here this Christmas. It's the first time in a really long time that Mom and Uncle Sean haven't needed to spend it with one of them and not the other."

"And, you. Right?" she asked quietly. He nodded quickly, but not before she saw the flash of pain in his eyes. "It's the first time for you too."

"Yeah." He exhaled deeply and shrugged bashfully. "So, that's it."

She sat quietly, watching him. That may be _it_, but it wasn't _all_. But, she knew her cousin far too well. He was stubborn. If that's all he wanted to admit to, then that was all she would know. "Ok," she said. "I understand." He narrowed his eyes, like he didn't believe her. She sighed and changed the subject. "So, when are you going to introduce me to your mates on the lacrosse team?"

He grinned and she knew things were well between them again. "There's a party tonight, if you want to go. Got an ugly Christmas sweater?"

She wrinkled her nose. "Umm, no. _Obviously_."

"You're in luck. I picked up two from the thrift store at church." She grimaced and mimicked vomit noises. "Don't worry, The Honorable Helena Sutherland," he laughed. "Mom washed them."

"Fine. I'll wear it. But, don't introduce me to anyone like that...otherwise, I'll have to call _you_ Armando."

He groaned and shook his head. "Don't. It's so lame."

She giggled and tossed a tortilla chip at him. "It's mysterious, like the Three Musketeers. Athos, Porthos, Aramis, and..._Armando_."

"Whatever," he chuckled, munching on the chip as he reached for the bowl of salsa.

* * *

><p><em>AN: The song Caitlin remembered is Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin's version of "Marshmallow World" (music by Peter DeRose, lyrics by Carl Sigman)._


	5. A Secret

(See the first chapter for disclaimer, notes, spoiler, etc.)

Chapter 5: "A Secret"

_December 22, 2014_

Trey stepped off the elevator and tucked his hands inside the pockets of his hoodie. The management floor of the radio station was quiet, just as he always knew it to be. All the chaos happened on the first and second floors. That was where the broadcast studios and the DJ's offices were. He chuckled to himself, remembering Thanksgiving three years ago when the morning show deep-fried a twenty-pound turkey. In the studio. On the air. Nan _wasn't_ impressed by the grease fire they started.

But, the third floor was where the executives sat. Dad's office was just around the corner from Nan's. The pale green walls, white furniture, and glass walls gave it a modern feel. But, Dad explained once that it was Nan's showpiece. People were supposed to feel impressed and a little intimated when they walked down the hall. Most employees only came up here to be rewarded with a bonus or punished with a termination notice.

"Hey, Shannon," he called out, seeing his father's assistant by the Keurig cart. "Where's my dad?"

She looked over her shoulder and smiled. "Hi, Trey. He's in a meeting with your grandmother and the other executives. They're in the big conference room."

"Ok, thanks." As he usually did, he glanced at the offices he passed, but they were all empty. He slowed down as he turned the corner. Like the other offices, the conference room had glass walls, giving him an unobstructed view of the meeting. He leaned against the wall and folded his arms, watching intently. Nan stood from her seat at the head of the table and moved away, like she was getting ready to leave. Dad was in the seat at her right, but he was still sitting. He tilted his head, fascinated as she glanced around the table before she opened the door. "Cole, I'll turn it over to you now," he heard her say.

"Thanks, Olivia," he heard Dad reply.

He snickered, watching as she rolled her eyes once she turned away from the conference room. "Now," she began, coming over to him and hugging him tight, "I'd much rather be stuck in a meeting with _you_ instead of them." She cupped his face and turned it slightly from side-to-side. "Excellent hair cut. I approve."

"Thanks, Nan," he said, blushing as she affectionately pinched his cheek. He glanced at the people seated around the table before he turned away. "They look like a bunch of stiffs – except for Dad, of course."

She chuckled. "I think you're right. But, that's the wonderful thing about being the C.E.O., darling boy. I get to go in and out of these meetings as I please. Your father, on the other hand, has to sit through all of them so he can update me on them after." His stomach flipped as he heard the reference to his "father", but she wasn't fazed. She said it naturally, he realized. She didn't even need to think about it. And, she meant Dad, not Pop.

"I guess," he sighed, "I should be taking notes from you on how to be the boss."

"Well, I don't know for how much longer."

He turned to her, surprised. "What do you mean, Nan?"

She shrugged. "Well, I suppose...I mean, I'm 60. I think I'm ready to bag it in."

"Really?"

She glanced around, seemingly seeing the hall and office for the first time. "I think so," she murmured before she turned to him and smiled bashfully. "I've run this station for almost thirty years. I've owned it outright for the last sixteen years. That's enough."

He followed her up the short flight of stairs that led to her office. "Does Dad know?"

She nodded. "We've been discussing it for the last few months."

"But..." he stuttered, blindly watching her back. She wouldn't come to California as much. He saw her every few months when she came for meetings at the station. His stomach lurched as he realized it wouldn't matter. He was moving to New York after graduation to start the summer semester at Cornell. Even if she kept working, he wouldn't be here to see her when she came to town. A tiny part of him immediately wondered if she hung onto the radio station for so long because it allowed her to come to town every few months and see him. She always stayed with them when she did. He always looked forward to those visits. "But..."

She glanced over her shoulder, a perplexed expression on her face, as they reached her office. With a gentle smile, she lingered in the doorway and waited for him to catch up. He swallowed hard as she placed her hands on his shoulders and looked up. "Want to know a secret?" He nodded and listened as she said, "I never expected to make it."

"What do you mean?"

With a knowing sigh, she wrapped her arm around his waist. "Poppop bought the station because he was bored," she said softly as they walked through her outer office. "Then, he decided to make me the C.E.O."

"_A moment of inspired genius, I'd say."_

He looked up as Pop's deep voice echoed across the office. He watched as he stood, tucking his iPhone back into his pocket. Next to him, he heard Nan say, "I thought you were in court." He turned to her, both confused and comforted by the familiarity of her comment.

"The A.D.A. was granted a continuance," he replied.

Trey looked back and forth between them. "Do you two have plans or something?" He watched as they made eye contact and broke into grins. He sighed and felt the way he did whenever Mom and Dad knew something and he didn't.

"I was going to take Nana to lunch," he heard Pop say.

"But, then he canceled," Nan said as she sat behind her desk and slipped on her reading glasses. "_Typical_."

He watched Pop chuckle and sit in the chair across from her desk. He followed and sank into the chair next to him as Pop said, "Luckily, Patricia Steele's flunkies are as incompetent as ever."

She laughed and he leaned back in the chair, watching them. A grin stretched ear-to-ear on Pop's face. Nan's eyes sparkled as she looked back at him. He sighed, realizing that he could count on one hand the number of times the three of them have been completely alone. No Colin. No Alex. No Mom and Dad. "Why don't we order something and eat here?" he suggested as their laughter subsided. "The three of us?"

Nan nodded and turned to the computer on her left. "I'll email my assistant to have something delivered. Thai?"

He grinned, vaguely listening to Pop's response. As Nan's fingers clicked across the keyboard, he asked, "So, what were you going to explain about a secret?"

"Secret?" Pop asked.

Nan turned back to them and took off her glasses. "Well, it's not _really_ a secret. Besides, you already know what I'm about to say, Gregory," she said to Pop before she turned back to him. "I had been the C.E.O. for a few months...and it was a _disaster_. The station was bleeding money. I didn't know anything about contracts, negotiations, how to lead a team. So, I told Poppop I was going to quit."

"Why didn't you?" he asked quietly.

He watched as she shrugged nonchalantly and glanced at Pop. "_He_ wouldn't let me."

"Why wouldn't you let her?" he immediately asked, turning to Pop.

There was a long moment of silence and he watched an indescribable look pass between Nan and Pop. "Because," Pop finally said as he looked over at him, "I knew Nana could do it. I _believed_ in her."

Since the summer, he's firmly believed it incredibly unfair that he didn't know Nan and Pop when they were married. What they were like with each other. That unknown has lingered before him like a desert mirage – always _just_ out of his reach. But, after watching them the other night and now in Nan's office, he felt like he understood what it might have been like – if only for a few seconds.

Nan cleared her throat and swallowed a smile as she looked back at him. "So, here I am thirty years later. I lasted far longer than I ever expected to."

"Did you know Nan wants to retire?" he asked. He wasn't surprised when Pop nodded. He figured as much. They wrote each other all the time. It seemed silly to describe them as best friends, but that's all he could come up with. They teased each other. They knew each other's secrets. They talked non-stop. Nan and Pop were each other's best friend. "What are you going to do with the station?"

"Turn it over to your father." He glanced at Pop, looking for a reaction, but he was looking at Nan. "We're developing a transition plan."

"Now, you'll have to put up with us talking about it over lunch."

"Wait. You're helping?" Pop nodded. He sat back and sighed. "But, Nan...won't you be bored?"

She chuckled. "I'm looking forward to being bored," she said with a laugh. Then, she sighed and looked up at them. "Everyone's getting older: Colin, my children, my grandchildren. I want more time with the people I love." He watched as she turned to Pop and smiled. "Doesn't that sound delightful?"

He watched with interest as Pop rolled his eyes and shook his head. "I refuse to drink the Kool-Aid, Liv."

Liv.

He tilted his head, running that syllable over in his mind. No one else called Nan that, not even Colin. He barely paid attention to the way they bantered back and forth on the subject of retirement. _Liv_. That was special. That was theirs. Still. After all these years. His lips parted as he gazed blankly at them. He thought back to the way they looked at each other when he spied on them after dinner. The way Pop's hand gently brushed her cheek. The way Nan kissed his palm. He inhaled quietly as a thought screeched into his mind.

Did they still love each other?

He dated Caroline Morrison for a few weeks last spring. They didn't go further than sweaty hand-holding and an awkward – ok, _humiliating_ – run at second base. He remembered telling her he loved her, but he knew he didn't. He didn't get love. Of course, he knew he loved Mom and Dad. He knew he loved Nan and Pop. But, beyond that, loving someone _else_ was a foreign concept. Not that he's completely ignorant either. He's seen love: Mom and Dad, Nan and Colin, Pop and Alex. But, as he sat here watching them, he knew he could add Nan and Pop to the list. Because he saw the way Nan's eyes lit up when Pop called her Liv. Because he heard the way Pop's voice cracked when he said he believed in Nan. Because he saw the way they looked at each other after dinner.

Nan and Pop were his parents...and they loved each other.

His parents loved each other, but they were married to other people.

He's _officially_ the most confused he's ever been in his life.

* * *

><p>Colin looked up from the newspaper, hearing voices. A moment later, Alex and Caitlin walked into the living room. "We can put them underneath the tree," he heard Caitlin say as she placed a large box filled with wrapped presents on the floor. "I just-" The melodious chimes of her cell phone interrupted her and she sighed. "I'll be right back." He watched her leave, nodding at the flash of a smile she sent him.<p>

"Well Colin," Alex said as he stood, folding the paper, "this elf has _finally_ finished wrapping all her Christmas gifts." She set two large shopping bags on the floor, filled to the brim with more gifts.

"So, I see," he said, marveling at the sheer amount of wrapped presents. "There's nothing like gift-giving to excess at Christmas."

"Please," she began, sighing deeply, "not you too. I've already heard an earful from Gregory."

He chuckled as she sank into the sofa, wedging a pillow behind her back. "I imagine that between you and Olivia, no one in the family will need any gifts for the rest of the year." He sat slowly, wincing slightly at the stiffness in his bones. While he was grateful that he didn't look his age, there were more than enough times throughout the day when he _felt_ it.

"Are you alright?" she asked, leaning forward.

He looked up, seeing the concern on her face. "Perfectly," he smiled. "It's just a mild case of old age."

"Ah." She shook her head and glanced down at her hands. "I know what you mean."

He knew what she was looking at. The aged and wrinkled skin. The liver spots. The prominent veins beneath paper-thin skin. There was no greater curse than aging. An internal shudder went through him as he recalled what his father, Bernard, looked like toward the end of his life. He knew what lay ahead for him. "Though, I must say, the warm weather is a comforting alternative to the blistering cold in England."

She nodded, an amused smile on her face. "I'm sure," she said, watching him carefully. He felt a chill go through him as she cleared her throat and said, "We've never really talked, have we? About..."

About Trey.

About Gregory and Olivia.

About the unbreakable bond between _their_ spouses.

"I don't suppose so, no," he said carefully. She nodded and glanced over her shoulder, checking for Caitlin. After almost seventeen years, what was there to say? He was married to Olivia. She was married to Gregory. But, Trey was their son. Their secret. A secret the four of them shared. He chuckled to himself, amused. It was something that the four of them should share a bond like that.

"I was very happy to hear that you and Olivia were coming for Christmas," she said softly as she turned back to him. He nodded, listening quietly as she continued, "Was it your idea or Olivia's?"

"As I understood, it was _Trey's_ idea."

She nodded. "Yes. But, I suppose I was wondering if Olivia had to talk you into it?"

He sat still. He supposed it was a fair question. He's only come to California a handful of times with his wife. Her children were frequent visitors to their home though. He's never kept them from her. He couldn't. Not after everything she's already gone through. "I wasn't going to stand in the way of her happiness," he said, his voice low and even.

Alex's wistful smile faded into oblivion. "I didn't think you would," she whispered. "You're a very decent man, Colin."

He felt her eyes on him, but he didn't look up. He didn't need her sympathy or her empathy. What's done was done. There was no changing anything. The past was over. "About as decent as you," he said softly when he finally looked up. Her eyes were steady as he continued, "We're about as decent as two people can be when they know their spouse is in love with someone else."

She leaned forward, her expression melting into concern. "Does it bother you?" she asked quietly. "That Olivia loves Gregory?"

In the beginning, once he realized, it was like a slow death. Like drowning – each breath more painful than the last. The realization slowly dawned on him when he stood off to the side, watching Gregory and Olivia fight. They had just learned the truth about Trey and the last four blissful years of his married life faded to the wayside. _That is our child! Yours and mine! We made him!_ Even now, he could still hear Gregory's bellow and see the way Olivia's face twisted as she pushed him away. Never before had he more clearly understood what their married life had been like. The tension between them swelled to near obscene levels as they went back and forth, their charged words ricocheting in the night. Only people who truly loved each other could fight that passionately. And, he merely watched it unfold. He had no part in it.

He loved his wife. He knew what losing that child the first time did to her. He witnessed her agony as she willingly lost him for the second time. _We are going to sacrifice our happiness for theirs. For Caitlin and Trey. We are the lambs led to slaughter._ The way she came back to London, exhausted and devastated. The quiet tears she tried to hide. The way she savored each letter from Gregory.

Gregory.

He loved his wife. He wouldn't deny her anything. Not the letters she exchanged with Gregory. Not the frequent business trips to California. Not the annual summer visits from Trey. She may have given them up – Trey _and_ Gregory – but she couldn't live without them. He wouldn't deny her, even though he knew there was still a place for Gregory in her heart.

He loved his wife. He loved her enough to share her heart with Gregory. He would rather live his life with half of Olivia's heart than none of it.

He loved his wife.

"Does it bother _you_ that he loves her?" he finally asked, truly curious.

She was quiet for a long moment before she slowly shook her head. "From the moment he introduced me to her, I knew that Gregory was head over heels in love with Olivia...and would be for the rest of his life." He nodded. He knew from Olivia that Gregory and Alex had been friends before she met either of them. "I don't know that I could share my life with a man who _didn't_ love the mother of his children." A faraway look flowed onto her face as she whispered, "I can't help but remember one Christmas, long ago, when they thought Caitlin was dead. I came back from Europe and this family was... just completely _broken_." He nodded. Olivia told him of that awful Christmas. It was the last one she spent as Gregory's wife. "And, now? Oh, Colin, I look at them and I am so grateful for this special place they're in. Whether you and I like it or not, because we love Olivia and Gregory, _this_ is our family now."

He nodded and exhaled deeply. She was right. Through fate, truth, and his love for his wife, this was his family now. Families didn't end just because the spouses divorced. Families didn't end. They just endured and expanded.

"Sorry!" Caitlin exclaimed as she breezed back into the living room. "That was Trey."

"Everything alright?" Alex asked.

She nodded as she dragged the box of presents over to the Christmas tree. "He stopped by the radio station and he's having lunch with Mom and Daddy."

He wasn't surprised. He certainly didn't resent it. His wife had already given up so much. He could never live with himself if he deprived her these small moments. They didn't threaten his life with Olivia. "Good," he said aloud, feeling the smile in Alex's gaze. "Perhaps he can remind Olivia that this was meant to be a Christmas holiday."

Caitlin chuckled as she began stacking the gifts beneath the tree. "I truly don't know who's worse: Mom flying here for meetings every few months or Daddy for refusing to retire."

He vaguely heard Alex's reply as his mobile phone chirped. He swiped the screen and smiled at the text message from Olivia. _Let's escape...dinner tonight? Just you and I?_

He loved his wife.


	6. Together Again

(See the first chapter for disclaimer, notes, spoiler, etc.)

Chapter 6: "Together Again"

_December 23, 2014_

Gregory watched as Trey stretched out in the passenger seat of the Jaguar. A moment later, the teenager reached out and fiddled with the buttons of the radio. The public radio station droned quietly, the host speaking quietly and gravely about the future of the president's health care reform law. "We should listen to WHOC," he announced.

He chuckled. "Why? Nana doesn't even listen to her radio station."

"But, have you ever noticed that all the hosts on NPR sound alike? Do you think it's a requirement that they whisper into the mikes?"

He shook his head and glanced over. "Would _you_ like to listen to WHOC?"

"Well, I wouldn't mind it." Just like Caitlin and Sean when they were his age.

He reached out and pressed the satellite radio button. "The great thing about driving your own car is that _you_ are in control of the music," he said as the smooth sound of Sammy Davis Jr.'s voice filled the interior.

"Whatever," Trey mumbled even though he grinned at him. "That was a low blow, Pop!" He accelerated onto the freeway and easily merged into the late morning traffic. "What time does Uncle Sean and Aunt Tessa's plane land?"

He glanced at the clock on the center console. "In about an hour." Sean, Tessa, and their son had taken an early morning flight out of Philadelphia. He and Trey were picking them up and then taking them to Caitlin's. _We've never spent a Christmas together with all of our children. At the moment, I can't think of anything sadder than that._ He glanced at the teenage boy, who blissfully scrolled through his iPhone. Oblivious to the truth. But, he was himself. Whatever had so haunted Trey these last few months had seemingly vanished. Olivia emailed him last night, after their lunch and afternoon with Trey. She seemed to think it was growing pains and nerves about leaving for Cornell in just a few short months. Cornell. _His_ alma mater. He still couldn't help but grin.

"What's that for?" he heard Trey ask. "That face."

He cleared his throat and nonchalantly shrugged. "Oh, I was just thinking about when Sean was the same age as Tommy." It wasn't a complete lie. He _had_ been thinking about that earlier this morning. "He was a handful."

Trey turned to him, a smirk on his face. "No kidding? Uncle Sean, the oh-so-serious math teacher, was once a handful?"

"_Incredibly_ so. He drove Nana up the wall with his antics. Did I ever tell you about the time he finger painted the door of my study?"

He chuckled. "Yeah, you did." His laughter subsided and he asked, "But, what about you? Didn't things like that drive you nuts too?"

He was quiet for a moment, thinking about Sean's early years. How broken he and Olivia were. How it had taken almost two months for him to love the boy without fearing he would die. "Well, not as much. I thought it was funny. Sean reminded me a lot of myself. But, Nana was home with him all day and on the front lines. By the time I would get home from work, she'd pass him off to me." He sighed, remembering the way Sean would sit with his race cars on the floor of his study as he worked at his desk after dinner. Or the way it was easy to toss the work aside and join his son to play. Or the way Sean would curl up in his arms, half-asleep and breathing deeply as he just sat back and watched him.

"Hey, Pop?"

"Hey, Trey?"

He grinned and rolled his eyes. "Was it weird for you the other night at dinner? Seeing Nan and Colin together?"

"No," he replied. Softly. Truthfully. "It isn't as if it's the first time the three of us were together."

He nodded, mulling that over. "Yeah, that's what I told Helena."

His stomach clenched as he asked, "Is that all you wanted to ask?" There was never just _one_ question with Trey. He glanced over quickly and then turned back to the road. But, it was never like Trey to be so nervous. They talked about everything. No topic was _ever_ off-limits.

_You're alive  
><em>_So come on and show it_

"Well..." he began, his voice small, "I was just wondering if it was awkward since...I think you might still love Nan."

* * *

><p>Trey heard his question echo, filling the brass interlude of the song. He watched Pop's face, the blank expression on it. Mom told him once that Pop had the best poker face – he needed it for his work as a lawyer. But, he didn't want that now. He needed to make sense of everything he knew. As he opened his mouth, he heard Pop say, "I do. I do love Nana."<p>

"But, she's married to Colin."

Pop nodded. "And, I'm married to Alex."

"Do they know?"

"Colin and Alex?" Pause. "One day, you'll realize that it's next to impossible to keep a secret from the person you love."

So they knew. He wondered if they knew he was Nan and Pop's son. Probably. You can't keep secrets from the person you love. "I guess," he murmured as his heart pounded in his chest. "Aren't they upset about it?"

Pop exhaled slowly. "I hope not. How Nana and I feel about each other doesn't change anything. I love Alex and I know Nana loves Colin."

He knew Pop wouldn't want pity, so he didn't say how sorry he felt for them. How sorry he was for them _and_ him. Nothing turned out like it was supposed to. He nodded quietly and forced himself to breathe. "But," he began after a long moment, "don't you want Nan to be here and married to you?"

* * *

><p>Gregory's mouth went dry as he heard the question. This answer was clouded with grey and in Trey's young mind, things were either black or white. But, nothing was ever that simple, especially not <em>this<em>. He tried never to imagine how different his life would be if Olivia was still his wife and Trey was recognized as their son. Now, here he was, confronted with that possibility and from the mouth of the very person who had the biggest role – however unknowingly – in how things turned out. He cleared his throat, his fingers tense around the steering wheel. "Nothing," he said softly, "would've made me happier."

"But-"

"But, I don't need to be married to Nana to know how I feel about her." He felt Trey's eyes on him as he listened silently. "Our divorce changed many things, but not everything." The words came easily. The truth always did. "I love Nana. Once I met her, I never wanted to live my life without her." He heard Trey's sigh and he glanced quickly, forcing a smile to his face. "What she and I have now is something I treasure. I wouldn't change it for anything." Trey sighed again, one of confusion tinged with futility. He reached out and patted his knee. "I don't want you to worry about Nana and I."

* * *

><p>Trey nodded, feeling Pop's hand slip away from his knee. "We're fine," he heard him say.<p>

"It...it just doesn't seem fair," he said softly, looking forward.

"Well, that's the thing about life," Pop replied in a soft tone. "It's not always fair. Sometimes, it beats you down until you think there's nothing else it can take from you. Then, it gives you one last heartache." He turned his head slightly when he stopped talking, watching him grip the steering wheel. "What matters is how you get back up," he finally said.

"How long did it take you to get up?" he asked. After you lost Nan. After you lost me. After everything changed.

A half-smile came to his face as he looked over. "It was a couple of years. But, I found my way again."

He nodded dumbly. _Years_. Goddamn – he didn't want it to take years for himself. "How?"

"Truth," he heard Pop say. "Truth changes _everything_. Once you know it, nothing is ever the same. But, from that point on, you know everything. It can't get worse, can it?"

"Yeah," he said glumly. "Right."

* * *

><p>Sean climbed out of his father's Jaguar and breathed deep. The ocean air filled his lungs and he turned his face up to the sun. He could feel the cold grime of the Philadelphia winter melt away in the strong sun. His son's giggle filled the air and he opened his eyes, watching as the child climbed onto Trey's back. "If he throws up, that's your mess to clean, Trey," he called out as the teenager ran in circles around the yard. Tommy shrieked with delight, his little arms around Trey's neck.<p>

"He'll sleep soundly tonight," Tessa said and he nodded, wrapping his arm around her.

"How are you feeling?" he asked softly. She shrugged and rested her hands on her slightly swollen stomach. "Let's go inside. You can put your feet up and rest."

She nodded and stepped away, calling for their son. A moment later, a strong hand clamped down on his shoulder and he looked over at his father. He grinned and reached over, embracing him tightly. He hardly remembered a time when they weren't close. It was almost as if the tension that existed between them during his teenage years was a bad dream. "You're looking good," he said, pulling back to admire him. "Don't even look old enough to retire."

His father chuckled deeply and shook his head, his arm around his shoulders as they walked towards his sister's house. "Not you too," he sighed.

He shrugged. It seemed hard to imagine his father as old enough for retirement. He thought of his own grandfather, his white hair and milky blue eyes. Dad wasn't anywhere near that, though they were probably around the same age. Instead, the only sign of aging was that his father's dark hair had lightened with grey and his face had softened. "I'm just saying – you've worked for...what? Fifty years? Aren't you ready to call it quits?" He grinned, hearing the laughter drift out of the house. No doubt Tessa and Tommy were in the arms of his mother and sister. "Don't you want to kick back and teach Tommy how to drive the golf cart?"

The wind stirred his father's hair as he sighed. "I can still do that in between cases," he replied with a smile.

He smirked ruefully. "Yeah, we'll see about that." He looked over to the front door, left tantalizingly open for them. "How have things been with Trey?" he asked softly. With Mom. With you.

"Better," he said. "He's been running around town with Colin's granddaughter. I think he's starting to enjoy his winter break."

He nodded, watching his father carefully. It seemed sad that his father had to lose a son in order to gain one, but that's how it felt. He couldn't help but wonder if he and his father would have reconciled if not for their bond and shared secret about Trey. But, that secret united them in a way he never thought possible. "Maybe it was just stress?" he suggested, referring to the change in Trey's behavior. He knew the change deeply worried _both_ of his parents.

"Maybe," he allowed. "That's what your mother seems to think."

He never thought he'd see a Christmas with both of his parents again. But, here they were. The entire family – together again. "I'm sure that's all it was," he said, thinking back to the car ride from the airport. The teenager sat in the back with Tessa and Tommy, engrossed in a game with the four-year-old child. Trey was a good kid. He always had been. "Besides, it's Christmas. Nothing's ever wrong at Christmas."

"Spoken like a grandson of Thomas Blake," he chuckled as they walked into Caitlin's home.

His sister had cornered Tessa and was nodding sympathetically at whatever his wife was saying. Tommy was in his mother's arms, enthusiastically telling her about the plane trip. "The plane shook so much that Mommy got sick!" the child exclaimed, gesturing grandly.

"But, you were Nana's brave boy, weren't you?" his mother asked and he chuckled, watching his son nod seriously. "Good boy." She looked up, finally seeing him. He smiled, watching as she sighed and lowered Tommy to the floor. "Oh, Sean," she murmured, reaching out to embrace him tightly. "Oh, darling, you're here! You're finally here!"

He hugged her back, watching over her shoulder as his father scooped Tommy into his arms. "Hi, Mom," he whispered, feeling the way she shuddered against him. He looked up at her, not surprised by the tears clouding her blue eyes. She cupped his face and watched him closely, almost as if she had forgotten what he looked like. But, he understood. He noticed the daily changes in his own son. He couldn't imagine what it was like for her – for either of his parents. He and his family were thousands of miles away from each of them. Daily visits were no longer a common occurrence. "I hope you didn't go overboard with presents for Tommy."

She groaned and lowered her face in mock-shame. "But, he understands Christmas this year, darling! It's so special!" He nodded and smiled to cover the internal grimace. He could already see the baggage fees topping triple digits on their return flight next week. "He looks more and more like you every day," she continued softly, her warm hand against his cheek. She glanced over and smiled at his father. "Doesn't he, Gregory?"

"Mirror image," Dad replied, tickling Tommy's stomach.

His son giggled and squirmed. "That tickles, Poppop!"

Sean watched his parents with Tommy. He was their first grandchild, not that anyone would ever know. But, as he watched them laugh with his son, a shared light in their eyes, he could almost believe that they were at peace. He remembered the first years after their secret was born into existence. When Mom was so anxious around Caitlin and Trey. When Dad's face seemed permanently etched with sadness. But, they were different now. Maybe enough time had gone by that the pain had subsided some. Like a dull ache, it was never gone, but it was bearable.

Tessa came to his side and leaned into him. He looked down and she nodded at the question in his eyes. He took her hand and squeezed it as he cleared his throat. "Mom? Dad?" They looked over, his mother's hand on Tommy's back. "Tessa and I wanted to tell you something."

His wife beamed. "An early Christmas present, so to speak."

His parents exchanged the briefest of looks. "Oh?" his father said as his mother asked, "What is it, darling?"

His wife squeezed his hand and he began, "We had an ultrasound two days ago." He saw Caitlin come closer, a curious look on her face. Trey and Helena followed, suddenly interested. "And...well..."

His mother gasped and his father said, "Sean, you're going to give Mom a heart attack."

He chuckled sheepishly and shrugged. "It's a boy..._and_ a girl." His mother gasped again as her hands flew to her mouth. A pleased smile blossomed on his father's face as he shifted Tommy in his arms. "It's twins."

"Twins!" his mother exclaimed, wrapping her arms around Tessa. "Oh, darlings, congratulations! How do you feel?"

"Tired!" Tessa laughed. "Though, it explains how-"

"Well," his father said as Tommy leaned his head on his shoulder, "now I understand why you were so brief on the phone when I asked about the appointment."

He shrugged, unable to keep the proud grin off his face. "I- _we_ wanted to tell you and Mom together."

Dad nodded and pulled him close. "Congratulations, son." He nodded, clasping his father's shoulder as he continued softly, "A daughter will change you. You haven't loved anyone the way you'll love her, not even Tessa, until you hold her in your arms for the first time."

He swallowed hard as Tommy held out his arms to him. "Thanks, Dad," he whispered, holding his son against his chest.

* * *

><p><em>AN: The song in Gregory and Trey's conversation is Sammy Davis Jr.'s version of "A Lot of Livin' To Do" (music by Charles Strouse, lyrics by Lee Adams)._


	7. Enough Love

(See the first chapter for disclaimer, notes, spoiler, etc.)

Chapter 7: "Enough Love"

_December 24, 2014_

Trey wandered through the living room, fading beams of sunlight catching on the boughs of the Christmas tree. He was the first one downstairs. Everyone else was still getting ready. Pop and Alex would be over soon with Uncle Sean, Aunt Tessa, and Tommy. He got what he wanted. The whole family was together for Christmas.

So, why did he feel so shitty?

He sighed and stood in front of the tree, blindly gazing at it. It wasn't one of the color coordinated and perfectly decorated trees you see in magazines. It was a _real_ person's tree. The white lights glittered like diamonds, nestled among ornaments he had made in school and ones Mom collected from their family vacations over the years. Gold beaded garland draped around the tree, drawing the eye up to the ethereal angel standing at the top. "Don't you look handsome!" he heard Nan say and he glanced over his shoulder. She walked across the living room, smiling at him. He shrugged and turned back to the tree. She stood next to him, watching it with him.

A construction paper snowflake caught his attention and he pointed at it. A wallet size photo of him, Mom, and Dad was glued to the center of it. "I made that in like first grade," he said softly. He couldn't have been more than a year old in the photo. He had been a chubby baby with white blonde hair and a rosy complexion. Mom held him, smiling up at the camera as Dad's arm rested around her.

Nan nodded and reached out, turning the ornament to her. Some of the silver glitter from it fell onto her fingers, but she didn't seem to notice. "This was from your first Christmas," she said quietly. He turned to her, watching the way her eyes softened as she gazed down at the photo.

"How do you know?" he asked softly.

He watched her smile before her eyes flickered up to his. "I bought the outfit you're wearing. It was a dark green sweater and corduroy pants." As she returned the ornament to the tree, she added, "You looked precious in it."

"How do you remember that?" he marveled. Truly. He couldn't even remember what he wore last week.

"It was the first Christmas after I moved back to England. Caity, Sean, and you spent the holiday here with Poppop. Sending the outfit you wore made me feel a part of it. Somehow."

He sighed, shaking his head. "But, didn't that suck, Nan? Not being with your family on Christmas?"

She inhaled deeply and finally nodded after several moments. "It certainly doesn't make my list of the Christmas top ten."

"It's so stupid," he mumbled, glaring down at the presents covered in shiny wrapping paper. "All these years we were either here or there. This is Pop's year – no, wait, it's _Nan's_ year." He looked up at her, feeling the frustration of the last several months building in his chest. "Why couldn't the two of you just get _along_ then the way you do now!"

Her sad half-smile gave way to a sigh. Her shoulders rose in a gentle shrug before she suggested, "I think it was too painful back then for us to be friends. We hurt each other too much."

His mouth tightened as his hands trembled. Her ignoring his outburst just made him more angry. He was tired of not understanding. He was tired of everyone else knowing things about his life. He was fed up with other people deciding how his life turned out. "That's so...so _selfish_!" he snapped. She blinked and took a slight step away from him as he clenched his hands in fists. "Didn't either of you think about what that would do to us?"

To me.

To my older brother.

To my older sister.

She nodded slightly. "Believe me, Trey...it was better that Poppop and I were apart back then. We-" she broke off and looked away, gazing over at the tree, "we weren't good for each other. We were too damaged."

His heart pounded in his ears as he heard himself ask, "Because your son died?" Me. I died. The son of Gregory and Olivia Richards died and came back to life as the son of Cole and Caitlin Deschanel. She looked up slowly, her blue eyes surprisingly clear. The anger in him instantly deflated as he watched her chin tremble. She cleared her throat and turned away, moving to the other side of three. Away from him. He sighed. Nothing he did was right. "Nan...I- I'm sorry," he said softly.

She nodded and he saw the way she clenched her hands tightly. "It's alright," she said softly. But, she still wouldn't look at him.

His stomach flipped and he moved towards her. He hurt her. "I didn't mean it," he said, tentatively reaching for her. Slowly and gently, he wrapped his arms around her. His chest pressed against her back as he begged, "Please forgive me."

She turned to him, a shaky smile dancing on her lips. "I do," she whispered in reply, hugging him back. He towered over her slender frame, but he still managed to lower his head to her shoulder. "Of course I forgive you," she murmured, running her hand over her head. Like a mother. Like _his_ mother.

He choked back a sob. He couldn't help it. He gripped her tighter and cried into her shoulder as they stood in a hazy beam of setting sun. "Nan," he gasped, looking up at her as hot tears streaked down his face. He wanted to tell her. He _needed_ to tell her that he knew. She would understand. She would help him figure out what to do next. She was his mother. "Nan, I-"

She looked up at him, cupping his face as her thumbs wiped away his tears. "What is it, darling boy?" His whole body trembled as he watched her. She waited patiently and, despite the tears in his eyes, he could see the fear and confusion in her eyes. "Whatever it is, just tell me."

He looked past her, the picture on the snowflake ornament catching his attention. Mom. Dad.

_Truth changes everything. Once you know it, nothing is ever the same. But, from that point on, you know everything. It can't get worse, can it? _

Pop wasn't usually wrong, but he was this time. Things could _always_ be worse, whether or not you knew the truth. He was only sixteen, but the news was filled every day with stories about the worst kind of pain and violence inflicted on people. No one did more harm to humans than other humans. But, he couldn't hurt Mom and Dad. That's all the truth would do – and it would only get worse. Everything would change.

He just couldn't do it to them.

"Trey?" Nan asked, her sharp tone getting his attention.

He looked over, sniffling. Her hands were warm and gentle against his cheeks. He shook his head and sighed deeply. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to snap at you."

She narrowed her eyes, watching him carefully. "What's troubling you?" she asked seriously and he could hear the worry in her voice. He began to shake his head and he felt her hands tense against his face. "Is this about what you asked Poppop yesterday?" His lips parted and he found himself nodding a moment later. In a way, it wasn't a complete lie. He could easily trace every action he's taken over the last few months back to that summer night in Lavenham Hall. _Truth changes everything. Once you know it, nothing is ever the same._ "Oh, Trey," she sighed as she shook her head slowly. He wasn't surprised that Pop told her.

"I don't understand," he confessed. "How can you and Pop love each other, but be married to other people?" It wasn't the truth he wanted to hear from her, but it was a start.

Nan watched him for a long moment, her eyes full. "Because I love them both," she said simply, her voice catching. "I've got enough love in my heart for Poppop and Colin."

He felt her fingers tremble against his cheeks and he reached up for her hands, squeezing them gently. Maybe that was how he could live for all of them. Mom and Dad. Nan and Pop. He could just _love_ them all. His four parents. The parents who gave him life and the parents who shared his life. "I just wanted to be with you this Christmas," he whispered, still holding her hands. "You _and_ Pop. Just for once."

"I know," she sighed, smiling up at him. She shook her head slightly as a pained expression washed onto her face. "I so wish it was different for you," she continued, watching him carefully. "So _so_ different."

Not just for him, but her and Pop too. He didn't know everything, but he knew something – _someone_ – else took him from her and Pop. No one would _choose_ this kind of sacrifice. He reached up and wrapped his arm around her. "I'm ok, Nan. _Really_. I'm going to be fine." She watched him carefully and he looked back at her, unafraid. Because he knew he would be fine. Whatever the reasons why didn't so much matter any more. She and Pop were his parents, but he was going to honor their sacrifice. He was going to make them proud. He was going to keep their secret. If the truth was revealed, it would destroy Mom and Dad. "Everything's going to be alright, Nan. I promise."

She smiled and reached up, brushing her hand over his hair. "So confident," she whispered. "Just like Poppop. When you say things like that, it's enough to make me believe."

He grinned and leaned down, kissing her cheek softly. "I love you, Nan."

He closed his eyes as she wrapped her arms around him. "I love you too, darling boy."

_Darling boy, you'll never know how much I love you._

He did.

He knew _exactly_ how much she and Pop loved him.

* * *

><p>Gregory stepped onto the patio, softly closing the glass door behind him. Olivia was standing at the top of the stairs that led to the pool, leaning against the stone column. "You alright?" he asked quietly.<p>

She glanced over her shoulder and rewarded him with a tired smile. "Just thinking," she replied.

"Oh?"

She exhaled and turned back out to the horizon. "Don't tell Colin, but...I miss this view." He nodded, remembering how much she loved watching the sunsets. How she marveled at the colors painted in the sky. "I don't realize how much until I'm here to see it."

He nodded. "I won't tell him." She nodded, but didn't turn back to him. He stood next to her, their shoulders brushing together as they gazed out at the ocean. The sun had already dipped behind the horizon and dark blue night was encroaching. "Liv?"

"Hmm?"

"What were you and Trey talking about when I got here?" They were sitting on the sofa, deep in conversation. He wouldn't have thought anything of it, but it was the expression on her face that made him wonder. The way she gazed at Trey, lost in the joy of the splendid boy who could never be theirs. The way he could see her blinking back tears.

"You know," she began quietly, "I really don't remember." She glanced over, a sheepish look dancing across her face. "He was talking, but I was just watching him." She pushed away from the column, her red silk blouse rippling as she reached for his hand. She led him down the stairs, the ocean breeze whipping over them. "He's so like _you_."

"God help us all," he quipped and she shook her head.

"No," she insisted, squeezing his hand. "He does. He's so brilliant and articulate. Kind. Thoughtful. Compassionate." Their eyes met as she whispered, "He reminds me of you – back when I fell in love with you."

* * *

><p>Olivia watched him inhale sharply and look away. She reached out, her fingers against his cheek as she slowly turned his face back to her. They were far from the prying windows. No one in the living room could see them down here. "And, he's going to be fine," she whispered in a thick voice, seeing him blink back tears. "I <em>feel<em> it."

He shook his head as he covered her hand with his own. "He's perfect," he whispered and she nodded. Their perfect boy. Their second chance child was thriving and flourishing. She remembered Gregory when they first began dating. How driven and accomplished he was. How he was destined for great things. That's how she knew Trey would be fine.

He's his father's son.

"Why don't we do this more often?" she whispered, watching him closely. "More family visits like this – not just at Christmas."

He nodded, squeezing her hand. "I would love that, Liv."

She beamed, thinking about how far they came from a street corner in Naples. How they had everything they ever wanted. Not in the way they first envisioned it, but they had it all. She slipped her hand away from his and reached up to the chain around her neck. "Do you remember this?" she asked, slipping the necklace off and over her head. She heard him suck in his breath, watching the way the white-gold locket twisted in the air.

"Of course," he said, barely audible.

She stepped closer to him, her fingernail fitting in the groove to pop it open. The delicate hinge gave enough to show him the baby photos of Caitlin and Sean. Gently, she turned the middle piece and let him see the third photo.

_This third spot...that's for our new baby._

"I know," she said, hearing him exhale deeply, "you wanted to be there when I put his photo in." She looked up, seeing him wipe his eyes. His hands covered hers as they held the locket and looked down at Trey's photo. She had put it in when she got back to London after they learned the truth, silent tears streaming down her cheeks as she cut his face out of the photo. "But, I wanted you to see it now. Both of them."

He cleared his throat. "Both?"

She nodded, turning the middle piece over to reveal the fourth photo. A photo of Gregory looked back at them. He was forty years younger in it, a confident grin directed to the photographer. She needed them with her.

All of them.

* * *

><p>He felt his chest shudder as she smiled at him. With a bashful shrug, she whispered, "I wanted them there: the loves of my life."<p>

He reached up and cupped her face, watching her intently. "I told him I never wanted to live my life without you," he whispered and she nodded. She leaned against him, tucking her head beneath his chin. They still fit perfectly. He ran his hand over her head, sighing her name into the night. Her arms tightened around him as she looked up, her lips quivering. "I love you," he sighed.

Gently, he leaned in and pressed his mouth to hers. She still tasted the same. He hadn't kissed her like this in more than a decade. Since that day in his study. When they gave up Trey for good. She leaned into him and sighed against his lips, murmuring his name. When she looked up, there was no guilt in her eyes, no regret.

He reached for her hands, kissing her knuckles before he slipped the locket from her grasp. She smiled and turned her back to him, gathering her short hair to one side. His fingers brushed the back of her neck as he put the chain around her throat and clasped it. "I love you too," she whispered as he cupped her shoulders.

* * *

><p>She leaned back against him as he wrapped his arms around her. She closed her eyes, savoring the way it felt to stand in his embrace – if only for a moment.<p>

* * *

><p>Trey rolled his eyes when Helena pressed her cheek to his and held out her phone. "Smile, you big grump!" she insisted and he grinned, obliging her. The gentle strains of the holiday music drifted around them, lingering on the air. "Which filter do you like?"<p>

_Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas  
><em>_It's the time of the year  
><em>_When all good dreams come true_

He shrugged, movement at the periphery of his vision catching his eye. Pop held open the patio door for Nan as they walked back into the house. "Umm," he said, watching as they met his gaze. "You choose. You're better at stuff like that than me." As she grumbled a reply, he smiled across the room at Nan and Pop. Pop nodded, his hand on Nan's shoulder as she winked at him. An idea jumped into his mind and he stood quickly. "Hey, Helena? Do me a favor?" He grabbed her hand and dragged her across the living room, sidestepping the rest of his family. "Hey, Mom? Uncle Sean? Come here. Helena's going to take our picture by the tree."

* * *

><p>Caitlin looked up, brushing her hair over her shoulder. "Here," she said, holding out her iPhone. "Use mine, Helena. It takes better pictures."<p>

"Or," Alex said, "you _could_ let the retired photographer take it."

"Thanks, sweetheart," she heard her father say. She turned to her parents, watching them. Trey was already between them, an arm around each of them.

She sighed, content.

* * *

><p>"Come on, Cait," Colin heard Sean say as he grabbed his sister's hand. They stood on either side of Gregory and Olivia, framing the shot. He caught his wife's eye and smiled at her.<p>

She smiled back at him.

* * *

><p><em>Every Christmas, Every Christmas<br>__There's a magic in the air  
><em>_When the holiday spirit's true_

Alex squinted through the viewfinder, gently adjusting the focus. "Olivia, lower your chin slightly...perfect!" She took a small step to the left, admiring the way the tree lights scattered on the family.

It was the perfect photo.

* * *

><p>Helena stood next to her grandfather and smiled when his arm went around her. She leaned into him, watching as Trey and his family posted for the photo. Her cousin looked like himself again.<p>

She was happy for him.

* * *

><p>Sean's hand rested on his mother's arm, a grin plastered on his face. There wasn't much more he could ask for his parents. "Merry Christmas, Mom," he whispered in her ear.<p>

He felt her take his hand and squeeze it.

* * *

><p>Trey stood between Nan and Pop, smiling.<p>

_If we open our hearts  
><em>_Our wishes would come true_

For the first time in months, he felt whole. _What matters is how you get back up._ He was going to be ok.

They all were.

THE END.

* * *

><p><em>AN: The song interspersed at the end is She & Him's "Christmas Wish" (written by Joey Spampinato)._


End file.
